My Constant
by love from elysium
Summary: A one shot detailing Teddy Lupin's experience at Hogwarts, the struggles of growing up without parents, his friendship with Victoire Weasley, and the night that friendship turned into something more. As told by Victoire.


When Teddy first left to go to Hogwarts I remember everyone being apprehensive in the discreet way that adults worry. It was that dynamic where, as a child, you knew something was going on but no one would clue you in, decidedly, for "your own good". Bullshit of course but back in those days it was my curiosity that killed me rather than the injustice of it.

Looking back, though, I understand why they were so worried. I would say retrospect is twenty-twenty but back then I didn't know the details of why Teddy didn't have a mum and dad. Specifically, I didn't know it was that his parents had been murdered at Hogwarts. But I do still remember the conversation my dad had with me about it.

It was the August before my first year at Hogwarts. Even in the summertime, my sheets in my bed at shell cottage felt faintly damp against my bare legs as I waited for my dad to come tuck me in for the night. This night he had taken a particularly long time to come to my room so when the door finally creaked open I was cranky with exhaustion and had my arms crossed over my chest.

"What _took_ you so long?"

"Apologies, sweetheart. I was talking to mummy."

"Hurry up, will you? I'm tired."

"And grouchy! No wonder, you and Ted spent the entire day in the water."

I knew something was different that night because he usually kissed me once on each cheek, said "Goodnight, my little Victoire. Don't let the Boggarts boo." and left. But instead he lay down beside me on top of the covers.

"Do you remember when I told you about what happened to your Uncle Fred, Victoire?"

"Of course."

"What did I say?"

"Uncle Fred died fighting in a battle at Hogwarts."

"Yes, that's right. Uncle Fred was very brave."

"You're brave, too, Dad. You have lots of scars."

I remember that my father's eyes got very glossy. But without missing a beat he said, "Uncle Fred was braver."

I said nothing. The whole situation had seemed very bizarre to me and I was anxious for my dad to reach his purpose for keeping me up.

"Do you know why Teddy lives with his grandmother and sometimes Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny?"

"He hasn't any parents."

"No, Teddy had parents. But they died. They died the same day that Uncle Fred died."

"Fighting?"

"Yes."

"At Hogwarts?"

"Yes."

"We'll I'm going to Hogwarts next month. And Teddy already goes there."

"Can you understand why it might make Teddy sad sometimes to be at Hogwarts?"

I didn't say anything for a moment and then I nodded.

"Victoire, you and Teddy are good mates so make sure to be there for him when he needs you. Can you promise me that?"

Again, I could only nod. His eyes were still glossy but he cleared his throat and kissed me on each cheek.

"Goodnight, my little Victoire. Don't let the Boggarts boo."

It would take me five years to finally put it together that this had been why everyone, Uncle Harry especially, had been nervous for Teddy to go to Hogwarts. It would be the same length of time before I could finally fulfill my promise to my dad.

My family's fears for him weren't unfounded. When Teddy went to Hogwarts I was left behind for a year and a bit miserable. No, I was _really_ miserable. But what made my weeks a little brighter was that Teddy had promised to write me every so often about how he was doing and what Hogwarts was like. I had heard so many great things about Hogwarts (admittedly the bulk of my information came courtesy of Uncle George). But his letters were a bit strange. He never really wrote about the fun and exciting things I wanted to know about. For example, in his very first letter to me, he told me about how the year before a girl in seventh year had been out with her friends after curfew and had drowned in the black lake. They had been drinking firewhiskey and the giant squid had grab hold of her ankle and pulled her under. Nobody noticed what had happened until it was too late. That was all he told me. Well, of course he also hit the other necessary points; he had been sorted into Ravenclaw and Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher this year was named Mr. Hollingberry. But that was all. No tales of adventures or new best mates. Not all his letters were this peculiar but as the year went on he wrote me less frequently. I began to worry that he had forgotten about me. However, when he came home in the summer he seemed to be so elated to be back that my confidence was restored and my vanity swollen.

But now I think his elation from being home truly had nothing to do with me.

Also before going to Hogwarts, Teddy had always worn his hair as soft lavender, his favourite colour. This always made Aunt Ginny smile. Once she even mentioned to Teddy that his mother's favourite hair colour was pink which was similar to lavender. After that Teddy had always been very proud of his lavender hair. But when he came back for the summer after his first year his hair was a sandy brown. No trace of lavender to be found.

"What happened to your hair, Teddy?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's brown!"

"So?"

I didn't know what to say so I just shrugged my shoulders.

When I finally got to Hogwarts I was a bit shocked to find that Teddy was actually quite, well, popular. If I'm honest, the letters he had sent me had given me the opposite impression. At first I was a bit jealous. I had been hoping to have him all to myself. Although I couldn't, I had not need worry because Teddy did not forget about me. He invited me with him and his group of second year friends whenever he was hanging out with them on the weekend or after classes. I was so proud to be a first hanging out with second years- _popular_ second years. They would help me with my work school work ("A soothing potion? Oh that's _so_ easy! We learned that last year. Here…") and Teddy still behaved, for the most part, like the same Teddy I had always known and loved. He did, though, develop a bit of a sometimes hurtful sense of humor but I got use to that.

It wasn't until my third year and Teddy's fourth year that I noticed that Teddy was actually really attractive. Apparently, though, I had been the last girl in the school to notice because suddenly they all wanted to be his friend. It seemed like there was a new one each week waiting outside his Transfiguration class to walk with him to the Great Hall for lunch. He didn't ask for them to be there but he was always nice enough. Yes, of course they made me jealous. But the one thing that made me feel better is that he never talked about them. And I can also say that my jealousy was rooted in a need to be Teddy's favourite person rather than a need to be his girlfriend. We all have our insecurities and mine was my fear of losing the interest of this tall and handsome young man.

Though smooth and outspoken, Teddy's personality was not unflawed. At times, in fact, he behaved so strangely and irrationally that I questioned whether I understood him at all. These quirks usually surrounded unexplained habits. For instance, if we were meant to go for tea at Hagrid's, Teddy would insist on rushing through dinner so that he could leave through the south entrance to the rather than taking the efficient route through the main courtyard. He said it was in order to enjoy the walk down but he ended rushing me so much that I doubt he ever enjoyed it at all. I would vow that next time we would not take this circuitous route. Or if he had a Care for Magical Creatures he would leave for class an hour early so he could take a roundabout way to the outdoor class other than using the main entrance. These weird tendencies seemed unrelated to me. But in retrospect I should have realized that Teddy had always been avoiding the main entrance and courtyard.

When I was in fifth year, Teddy in sixth, I dated a Gryffindor boy named Alfie. Alfie was in my eyes gorgeous. He played Keeper on the Griffyndor Quidditch team, kept his blond hair shaggy, was a year older than me, and in all honesty sort of rude. I couldn't believe that this boy would want me for his girlfriend. But after two months of dating Alfie broke it off saying that he "didn't want to be in a relationship". I was clearly heartbroken. Teddy, as much as he had made it clear that he had never liked Alfie, still offered a shoulder for me to cry, _weep_, on.

"But, if he didn't want a relationship _(gasp)_ why would he _(sniffle)_ ask me out in the first _(sob)_ place?"

"I don't know, Vic. Some blokes are jerks."

"You know, Teddy, I wish all boys were like you. You are always sweet."

I think that's one of the best things about Teddy. When you're talking to him he makes you feel like you're the most important person in the world. He doesn't make you feel like he not interested or that he rather be doing something or with somebody else. It's a rare quality.

But this story is supposed to be about Teddy, not me. And the event that I've been working towards didn't happen until May in Teddy's last year at Hogwarts. I was a prefect and Teddy was, well, unofficially designated Hogwarts' biggest disregarder of rules (although, my cousin James Potter was not far behind). So, while I was on prefect duty on Friday evenings roaming up and down the first floor, Teddy would always wander with me. None of the other prefects wanted the Friday night shift so I always volunteered to take it. I didn't mind though, because got to spend it with Teddy (despite the fact that he was not actually allowed to be out and about not being a prefect). It was actually something I always looked forward to each week. The chance to stubble through the halls and corridors in privacy while talking about anything and everything. Sometimes Teddy liked to take my hand and he'd make our joined arms swing as we walked. It was always on these nights that it showed how perfect our friendship really was.

It was ten o'clock on a Friday night and I was waiting in our usual meeting place for Teddy to show up. It was more common than not for Teddy to be ten or fifteen minutes late so I wasn't worried. But when it got to be quarter to eleven I decided I better start my rounds without him. I find it difficult to admit to the disappointment I felt. It's quite pathetic, actually.

The halfway point in my loop around the castle was marked by the main entrance. In the spring and summer seasons when the weather was fair, sometimes one of the great oak doors was left open to allow for the fresh air to pass through the castle, clearing out the corners that may have gone stale. Tonight was one of those nights. The air coming in felt like the humid embrace of summer although it was only May. It felt so soothing on my face and skin that I decided to go and linger in the doorway for a few minutes.

Looking back, sometimes I wonder if it really was the wind that drew me to the doorway. I think, though, something should be said about the cross-section of instinct and fate. But as I looked out into the shadowy courtyard, I saw a particularly long and lanky silhouette that I would have recognized anywhere. I checked behind me to confirm that no one would see me go out. Then I padded towards him as quietly as possible. Regardless, he looked towards me before I had reached him. His expression looked as if I had just interrupted a vehement conversation. But he was alone.

"Hello, handsome. Are you aware that you should me up?"

"Sorry, Vic."

"Blimey, Teddy. You smell like booze. Are you drunk?"

"I had a bit to drink. I am not _drunk_," he said. But there was none of the usual playful humour that I had come to expect from him. He sounded bitter. Looking at him hard in the minimal light, I reevaluated the situation. He looked tired, sick almost. He had dark circles under his eyes and his face was rough with stubble. But most importantly were his eyes. He looked defeated. I loved his eyes, though. He could make them any colour under the rainbow; purple, blue, yellow. But he keeps them a plain brown, like his dad's. But after staring at his unseeing eyes, it was his hair that startled my attention.

"What about her?" I said.

"Who?"

"Your mum."

"I didn't say anything about my mum."

"I know but your hair is turning pink in the front. It always goes pink when you think about her."

He didn't say anything for a while.

"In seven years, this is only my second time being in this courtyard. You probably notice that I've made a habit of, well, I guess just avoiding it."

"I never really put it together," I admitted, confused.

We sat in silence for some moments. I thought he would go on but when he didn't, I prodded again.

"Why do you avoid this specific courtyard, Teddy?"

He stood up. I was worried for a moment that I had made him want to leave. Instead, though, he walked slowly over to where an engraved flagstone had been laid into the cobblestone floor surrounding the courtyard's fountain. In a tiny fluid font, I read:

_Tonks and Remus Lupin_

_Being loved gives strength. Loving gives courage._

You know sometimes your heart stops and you can feel the weight of every drop of blood in your veins weighing down on you? This is what I experienced in the milliseconds it could to read the inscription. My hand snatched Teddy's wrist.

"Oh my…" I exhaled in a hoarse voice.

Teddy cleared his throat. "This is the exact spot where, ah, they…yeah…" And then he turned his face away from me and pulled his wrist from my death grip. Still looking away, he scratched the back of his neck and cleared his throat a few times. But then his shoulders started to shake. I didn't think because my mind was searing in pain. I just did the only thing my body could do in that instant, the only thing that felt right. I yanked his arm to turn him to face me and hugged him tighter than I've ever hugged anyone in my life. It soothed immediately. It was better than a cooling charm on the burntest blister or pumpkin juice after Quidditch. Somehow his grip around me was steel but his body still limp against me, still trembling. His sobs racked through him and now me ceaselessly.

"I'm so sorry, Teddy."

"I've been such a coward."

"No, darling, no."

You see, the thing is, me and Teddy would have been soul mates regardless of whether or not we were lovers or friends. We understood each other perfectly.


End file.
